Ciao.

See y'all on the 8th of December after i chuck them books (for 2 weeks before college) and leave the town.

Bai.

SPM SPM SPM.

Sunday Bloody Sundaaay.

Today for the last time, i used the Snooze Button to the YeahYeahYeahs blaring at my right ear. It rang 10 minutes later. Again, i succumbed to the beautiful temptation of the Snooze Button. Again, 10 minutes later-

"Wait, they don’t love you like I love you; wait, they don’t love you like I love you;
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;........"



The Snooze Button is man's greatest creation really, The Mother- not so much for the last sleep-in.
I normally give my neighbours my morning tune of Bangun Pagi Gosok Gigi but today not so much, today i'm feeling like a silent bathe. Mourning of the lost of 10 days of holiday, my final long holiday break till after SPM. My final holiday in high school.


I know tomorrow i'll wake up at 5.32 AM. The best mornings are when i wake up 30 minutes or earlier by accident and i just plonk right back into the best extra sleep.

I'll turn on the radio for a small dose of Mr. Young, I'll fall into the toilet and stare at the mirror till my eyes give way. I'll get a hot shower, i'll brush my teeth, i'll dry my broomstick/hair, i'll wear my apron/uniform, i'll tie my broomstick/hair, i'll find my stuff, i'll pin on my badge, i'll prick my finger, i'll pin on my nametag, i'll readjust it, i'll pin it on again hoping its straight, i'll go downstairs, i'll greet my Mum with a grunt and she does the same, i'll drink my Milo, i'll wait for the bus, i'll get on the bus, i'll fall asleep, i'll reach school, i'll stare at everything that annoys me, i'll go through school, i'll finish school, i'll go home, i'll attend tuition, i'll repeat the cycle.



The future is good.

Today though, went back to good ole Doulos, the last time i fell on my face on that ship; i was 9 (or so i think) Did not anticipate the crowd of that magnitude (imagine crowd for a Coldplay concert) for a Christian missionary ship selling books. Books; don't normally do well in drawing Malaysian crowds. Well they had ice creams on the plus side.

Malaysians like nice cold sweet ice cream! that melt too fast in our weather.
Malaysians don't like books more than nice cold sweet ice cream!

About 5% of the people walking out of the ship carried books.
About 95% of the people walking out of the ship carried nice cold sweet ice cream!, balloons, brochures used for fanning their way out, umbrella's and complaints.


9.34 PM. In Standard 2; my bags would have been packed in order, my uniform up hanging, my shoes at the doorstep and i would be in bed at 9.59 PM. Anxious to go to school, not excited.
I wouldn't fall asleep because of the anxiety, my Mum would come in with warm milk and i'd sleep right after downing it.



Now, at 17 (damn it i'm still 16) warm milk just makes me wanna shit all night.

Folks, LOL WTF ILY GG BB ROFL LMAO XOXO.

Homevideo.

I just watched a home video of myself.

I noticed i had extremely translucent fair skin, chinky eyes were merely slits then, jet black shiny nice hair not like the broomstick i'm sporting now, rarely smiled (proof from family and photo albums) and i was absolutely; weird.

You know how The Orphan or The Omen has psychotic demon children as their lead's and the kid is some sibeh jialat curse on the family muttering absolute nonsense like 'i see them' (que *shriek* from Nessa Lee) cause by the end of the movie everyone is dead and the kid gives a backward glance to the audience and smirks and that image appears everytime you close your eyes?

Yeah cute.


It was cute to my parents when i started sprouting nonsense but watching the video again.. but wow.
I went along the lines of; (summarising everything here, the video of me babbling about incoherent stuff was 10 minutes long? And i'm talking in 17 year old form not retarded 5 year old form thank you)


"Mummy, i've a family in the sky."

"Oh really?"

"Uhuh, they come down to see me once in awhile. They're outside playing now, they want to see me. On Sundays i visit them to play. But i come back early. We normally play in the clouds, we've got a big palace there. It rains because she's angry. She's scary when she's angry."

'Who's she?"

"My other mummy. When there's thunder it means they're playing bowling. (i got that bit from my nanny, she gave me some cock and bull story about the gods playing bowling that's why there's thunder) I'm meeting them now.. you want to see them?"


*Que adult laughter and giggling*

I did not smile throughout the whole thing.



I swear and i kid you not really really really. I'll freaking rip the video from the 6 billion year old caset and post it up.

Damn it i was odd.

JWCC.

To someone who's been the cause of my bruises and before Australia made it seem that she had an extra Y chromosome not in a weird Lady Gaga way- with her super strength, high metabolism, insane appetite and a height that i will one day catch up to; Happy 17th! Again, someone else is 17 before me. (November; 7 year gap after my sister- have a presented my theory on the possibility of me being a love child?)

To be honest, i've never met someone so ridiculously enthusiastic about almost everything (minus the One True Love bit). I don't know what drives you to do everything with so much enthusiasm, i wouldn't say you do it in a big chirpy happy way but there is the constant swearing in 50 different languages- still ridiculously enthusiastic.

That's the one thing i find absolutely intriguing about you. Putting aside your outer toughness which got conquered by 10 Promises to My Dog; can't believe you actually cried. *shakes head*


Australia was tough in the beginning, and we tried to be across the screen for you as much as possible, hope that was enough. But now you've got Estelle/Flo etc etc, and you're fitting in just great eh? *wiggles eyebrows and pulls eyes back to resemble a 1/4 Japanese*... oh wait my eyes are perfectly sepet already.


You're 17 and in Australia; enjooooooooooooy.

We're missing you back here, can't wait to see you again beb. Wait for me, i'm crashing Melbourne in a few years. XD

Can't wait for the next meal with you, on you this time.

Happy 17th !

Super Massive.

Que; MGMT - Time To Pretend.

I'm having the best days of high school and i'm refraining myself from sounding like an over excited school girl.

So;

stuff you SPM ha ha ha ha ha.

Time to pretend everything is just fine.

of Many Very's.

I have a bitch look, i know.

I swear, on the erupted and scarring pimple on the corner of my right eye and my battle scars from my fighting days against drains; the bitch face is a natural as it comes.

I swear.

I do not pull it as a stunt to get- okay, god knows what i can get. I haven't been getting much honestly which really says that this is as real as Chin Fang's and Flo's umhmps. I can't say much no more, viewers are above 40 which means trouble for me, though i'll make bitch an exception.

When i say haven't been getting much, i mean it;

• Form 1; "Stupid junior walao look so zhuai for what harh? Think so great ah?! Nowadays ah juniors ah damn guai lan leh, she's the worst lah.... " etc etc. The Usual.
• Form 2; I accompanied Wan Ri to make an announcement in a Form 5 class, ooh, senior class.

Wan Ri : bla bla bla.
Me : (minding my own business staring at my shoes thank you)
Wan Ri: bla bla yada yada hehe...thank you teacher.
Me : (stares at class for approximately 3 freaking seconds and walks out)


*5 minutes later.


Friend: "Eh got one senior say you very zhuai leh, then she don't like you and she talking bad about you...." etc etc. The Usual.

• Form 3, Oh my bashing days; "Why the F must she look like so F-ed up? Like who does she think she is?" One time, during Michael AGM.

Me: (goes up for AJK- dog job mind you) along with almost 12 other girls.

*30 minutes later

Friend: "Eh, my friend (a senior, har har) said you looked damn zhuai on stage. She said (snigger) she wanted to bash you up...." etc etc. The Usual.

• Form 4; Somewhere along the way, i was dubbed Expressionless- i call that an improvement from Zhuai Bitch of the Century. The Usual.
  

Ooh. And Flag Day, not pretty names there.

• Form 5; All of a sudden i'm Scary Bitch Pontianak Like Never Talk Only Give That Face Senior. The kind i detest. The Usual.
  

Friend: "Eh my sister said right, her friends whenever they see you they go, 'Eeyer oh my god oh my god Wen Li move move' "


Okay analyse that.


The 'Oh My God' isn't the same as the 'Oh My God's Yee Chen commands for (thank you for that)

I got an 'eeyer'. Can you believe it, what did i do to get an 'eeyer'?! The most jialat comment you could ever get about yourself is an 'eeyer'.


What i'm used to is the "Try to look happier more lah" or "Smile more lah".
70% is more, the other 30% i don't because-

what's the logic behind;
I angry- i smile. I sad- i smile. I suffer a loss- i smile. I shit- i smile. I scratch my ass- i smile. I listen to Miley Cyrus- i smile. I vomit- i smile.



SO, here's the thing.

I do not put any effort into my expression when it comes out all Bitch like. Honestly, i probably shit and fart like that. I'll get that on camera/video for you guys one day. I can't even say 'zhuai' properly it comes out sounding like 'chuai'. I blog looking like this for crying out loud. And i'm caught like this half the time because i'm caught at times i don't have the occasion to smile; highly unfair.

Its not a facade.
Its not some attempt to look cool.
Its not an attempt to look superior.
Its not an attempt of any sort.

I. just. look. that. way. so. stuff. it. already. 5. freaking. years.



But then again, most of you (high school friends etc) already know this.
Which makes it worst...


College.

Should start practicing my Umbridge smile.



Cheers.

Hi.

'Cause i'm Chuck Bass.




Cheers.

Perfection.

I'm not going to go all 17-year-old-stressed-over-demands-of-society-on-perfection-yada-yada, no not quite. This will be testosterone/estrogen fueled perfection.


I quote Mr. Rosland.

"Lelaki dalam hidup in hanya mahu 5 perkara; badan best, banyak duit, kereta besar, rumah mewah dan wanita yang cantik. (he elaborates on the women above everything else) Wanita seorang lelaki mesti cantik, mesti beautiful. Kalau tidak, kehidupan lelaki tidak akan sempurna, tidak complete."

Then he goes on babbling about Di Ruang Gema.

Beautiful women. Perfect women, perfection in the sense that she looks like a, Megan Watson or a Emma Fox.

At 2 am i'm pasting Emma Watson's head onto Megan Fox's body, amazing i am.

A pretty head with substance and a perfect body with a head lacking of substance. This is their definition of perfection.


Mr. Rosland then pauses after a change of topic and turns to us girls and asks them on the desirable traits of our perfect man. After alot of cringes and giggling we produced a 56 point list.

• Must be handsome.
• Must be rich.
• Must be sweet.
• Must treat us well.
• Must drive big car.
• Must be loyal.
• Must be very very rich.
• Must spend money on us.
• Must spend time on us.
• Must not womanise.
• Must not drink.
• Must not smoke.
• Must be capable of making other friends jealous of us.
• Must have nice family.
• Must have good genes.
• Must know how to cook.
• Must be super talented.
• Must know how to treat us well.
• Must know how to protect us from every evil in the world.
  
• Must be a good father.
• Must be good with kids.
• Must stay with us till the end of time.

There's more, brain capacity 56% now.
What we want is a cross section of fictional characters like Edward Cullen, Mr. Darcy, Chuck Bass, Chuch Norris and Lucky the Dog- our perfection lah.

If there's a chance for any of us to strike one like that, it'll be Chin Fang. At the rate she's going, hunting them down and all, she might get an extra. A 1 in 2.5 billion chance.


We want what we can't have or will never have.

Like Krispy Kreme and a better education system.





Okay this is called desperate post.

Cheers and goodnight.

Moot point.

When it came time for my Aunt to decide where to throw her daughter to continue 5 more years of Malaysian Education; she had only one issue in her mind.

"If i put her in a single sex school- she might turn out a lesbian." Que abrupt shudder and wrinkled nose.

She glances at my sister and i, both practically weened in a single sex school- the very same and best. Then attacks my mother by saying,

"Your two girls like boys or not ah? So long in girl school, maybe lesbian leh!"


Quite honestly, my Dad would pray for it. And all of a sudden my sister and i are confirmed lesbians because we were bred in Convent for a good 11 years each.

"You know why, cause hor i heard Convent girls are very jakun when it comes to boys. They like very; aiya (turns to me with the kind of smirk i was accustomed to for 17 years) you know lah right? So if i send my girl to a Co-Ed school she'll know how to carry herself properly not like your girls hor."


Auntie, we meet them during tuition's and school events- we're not at all that bad.

"Aiya how is tuition enough? Sure not enough exposure one, see girls everyday more than boys of course like girls one lah. Confirm. Eh eh (waves hand in front of my Mum's dumbstruck face) you better check these two lah- in case hor (giggles)."




Okay for starters. I'm perfectly fine with same sex relationships, and we've a perfect relationship with my aunt (above) considering that we meet up for ridiculing purgatory conversations every week who believes that being gay is against the law of nature and is not- just. She was absolutely disgusted by LGBT Pride Month; you should have seen her face when Obama declared it.

She, and the rest of the world.


My Aunt places same sex relationships at the same standing as;

• Saying the word sex.
  
• Chicken wings injected with steroids.
• Night markets.
• Donations.
• Shoe shopping without sales.
• Being nice.
• Dogs.
• Spending more than RM3.50 on a single meal.
• Hunger strikes.

All absolutely taboo; her kids grew up with the philosophy that if you did any of those things, Mummy-will-come-and-personally-whack-your-ass-and-she'll-sell-you. My cousin was 6 when he asked what sex was and his mother who was pregnant at that time threatened to sell him once the kid in her came out if he continued asking her what it was.


We told him anyways, she didn't visit us for 3 months straight.

I digress, though i'm pretty vague about the main issue of this post; my aunt or same sex relationships i have no clue.

Anyways, my aunt ended sending my cousin to a Co-Ed school where she came home every bloody day and complained to my Aunt in detail of how the boys in her high school would tease her and how afraid she was of them. 2 years later she shifted back to an all-girl high school; a all-girl boarding school no less.


The guys i know are pretty put out about lesbians- against nature bla bla not right yada yada why can't they like us sob sob.

But when you put the image of two hot girls liking each other- start quote, that's a totally different story, end quote.



Sad bunch of people; my aunt still thinks my sister and i are lesbians.


Cheers.

Neoprints.

Who hasn't?

Its practically a rite of passage for the girls. Some graduate from it and some are just attracted to every bit of those sound-emitting machines with perfect lighting that somehow manages to make you look absolutely flawless on those stickers and wallet sized possession's;oh and the cutesy-cutesy Japanese school girl-greeting jingle that cannot stop.
And them built-in touch screen that gives you all the freedom in the world to stick crowns/flowers/puppies/lollipops/bears/birds/poop on your head for what, a minute plus?


All of course for above RM40 a pop; because of them cute packages built to suck the living daylight and well; your money.

I found this today; hence sudden nostalgia.

This one was classic; it was the first for 4 out of 6 of us.

Daphne brought this to school last week; it erupted some sort of frenzy to look at our Awkward Stage Faces At Form 1 and the need to match Wan Ri's By Then Already Professional-Neoprint-Poses. Thus, awkward Scissor Fingers next to faces.


We took so many from then on that at one point our picture got displayed on the Hall of Neoprints alongside every Japanese looking character to every Couple of The Month. I swear we walked past the place every week to check on it.


I don't know about you, but those machines brought out the worst poses that i could have ever posed in my life. My understanding or whatever was going through my head when Ms. Japanese School Girl Voice was counting down in Japanese from 10 to 1; was to pose all out or just somehow lift my hand and shove it next to my face- to make my money's worth.

I was honestly thinking that its a bit of a waste just to stand there arms at marching stance and smile big big. And at the height of out Neoprint frenzy was the pinnacle of the Scissor Finger Pose and Poke One Finger Into Cheek Pose and The Thumb Index and Pinky Out Only Pose not at all Sideway Glance or Pout Big Eye Look Sexy yet.


So i created just about 40+ catastrophic, probably death inducing photo's ever. I'm not blowing this out of proportion and i'm not having some, "I'm so ugly i look like crap fishing for compliments" self-inferior moment- i just really look absolutely jialat.

And to think that i paid to look jialat.


Who pays to look jialat ?!

Much cheaper.

First All Photo No Words Post Because Everything's So Mundane That I've Lost All Ability To Have An Opinion.

Don't ask me why Chin Yi and Joey are in an extremely odd looking photo; i'm wondering too.

Cheers.